Have you ever wondered why you keep falling into the same painful dating patterns? I’ve been there too—stuck in a cycle of wrong choices, heartbreak, and frustration. But everything changed when I discovered 4 powerful steps that transformed how I approached love and relationships. In this blog, I’ll share the exact steps I used to break free from dating the wrong men and how you can apply them to your own life. Curious to see what made the difference? Read until the end—this could be the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for!
You may be asking yourself this question, can I find the right man?’ The answer is yes you can! There is hope for you today girl! Don’t be discouraged, as the saying goes there is a stick for every broom out there. And one man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. So don’t lose hope, because there is someone out there just for you. Now let’s take a look at how you can break the cycle of dating the wrong men.
Many single women across the world are struggling to find the right man. The number one biggest mistake that women make is that they don’t really sit down and take the time to evaluate what they truly want from a relationship.
However, because the majority of women don’t normally take the time to figure out what they truly want from a relationship, they find themselves going in cycles dating the wrong men over, and over again. I normally call it the ‘dating syndrome.’
When you’re dating a man don’t look only at his outside appearance, look at his heart. See where his heart is at. Appearance matters, but don’t let it be your focal point of view. Moreover, looks can be very deceiving, you don’t want to get trapped into a world where you think he has to be handsome, rich, and tall.
That’s fairy tale thinking, and you are trapping yourself into a fantasy world. I’m not saying that none of these things can’t happen, but if you want to keep it real, make realistic goals that you know you can achieve.
Date With Good Motives.
Don’t ever date a man because he has lots of money or because he’s very handsome. Some handsome men can end up giving you a whole lot of problems, because they think that they are ‘it!’ Not all; but some men are very self-centred and selfish.
It’s all about them, they are the type of men who compete with their friends to see who gets the most number from women or how many women they slept with. And if you ever meet a man like that, run for your life. That alone shouldl tell you that they are very self conceited, immature and are not serious about settling down.
When going on dates you need to be smart about it. You need to search his heart and his true intentions of why he wants to date you. The heart reveals a lot about a person.
Note: The word heart is referring to the mind of a person. However, when I said to search his heart, I meant that you need to figure out his thought process.
Luke 6:45 states that “for out of the abundance of the heart a man speaks. That tells you that the heart has a lot to do with a person’s thoughts, actions, and what they say. Thefore, watch carefully on the things he talks about and watch his actions as well.
Get to know his goals, what are his aims in life. Study his actions and see if they really match up with what he’s saying. Really get to know the person before you actually fall in love with him.
Don’t ever fall in love with the person you are dating right away. Get to know your that person first. Pay attention to his character and see if those characters are good qualities; it’s like weighing a scale.
Nevertheless, if you fall in love with the person you are dating and later on discover that he’s some drug dealer, drug addict, or a married man, It’s going to be much harder breaking it off with that person in some case especially if your will power is not strong enough.
There is a thing that calls soulties; that if you already connect with that person on a next level, you have create an emotional bond with that person in the spirit. This would make it hard to break things off, because you have already connected emotionally on a deeper level with him.
Also when you go on dates for the first time make sure you look out for red flags. What are red flags? Red flags are typically warning signs that tell you when something is wrong, that you need to get out right away before hitting the danger zone.
You need to watch out for these things: If he gets angry easily, if he disrespects your boundaries, if you catch him telling lies, or hiding something from you. Does he only want to hang out with you late at night? You need to date men who you see yourself with for a lifetime.
If you are looking for a man with integrity and honour, then don’t date someone with low standards. For example, say you are looking for a man who doesn’t smoke or drink- you don’t want to date a guy that’s doing the same thing that you are trying to avoid.
Above all, guard your heart. What does that mean? Guarding your heart means that you need to talk to God about the relationship first before you talk to the person about the relationship.
For example, don’t move too fast in the relationship or become vulnerable. Rather foster a friendship before building an intimate relationship. Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
4 Powerful Steps That Help Me Escape The Trap of Dating The Wrong Men
1. Have A Marriage Mindset – Once you have a marriage mindset it will help you gain focus to which relationship you want. If you don’t have a marriage mindset you will keep dating the wrong men and finding yourself repeating the same cycle or going in circles. Have standards but don’t make them too high where it’s not achievable, remember the goal here is marriage.
2. Date With Purpose / Intentions – Dating with purpose means that you need to know the reason why you are dating. Set goals and ask yourself these questions; why am I dating? What’s my purpose going on this date? ( Be intentional, do everything with intentions.)
If you don’t know your purpose then it’s simple; don’t date until you know why. Figure out your motives, everything we do in life we do with motives. Now, there are good motives and bad ones too. A good motive would be, I’m going on this date because I want to see if this person whom I’m dating is a good match for me.
This would allow me to see if he’s the marriage type. A bad motive would be, I’m going on this date because I’m lonely and I’m in need of someone in my life. Know what your goals are before you start dating. Know what you want from a relationship, if you don’t know what you want you will keep going in circles choosing the wrong men all the time.
3. Know What You Want From A Relationship – Make a list of qualities, characters, and values that are important to you, and that you would like to see in your future husband.
Take it to God in prayer, for example: On your dating list you can say “I want a man who loves children, and a man with a huge sense of humour” etc… It all depends on what your goals and values are. While making these lists, make sure that those lists that you are making are very realistic.
The goal is to hit them. Please don’t make a fantasy list. An example of a fantasy list would be like: I want a man that is 6’9, rich and very handsome. Now when making a list you need to realize that you may not get everything on that list. God knows exactly what you need.
God will always give us what we need and not what we want. You need to differentiate the two, need is different from want. Make a list of 5-10 things that you want in your future husband. Write it down, and watch yourself become more grounded now that you are CLEAR in knowing what you want.
4. Date men that exhibit good characters- If you are in search of the right man, you need to date someone who shares the same core values as you. Example: Faith, Financial belief, Children etc…
In conclusion I end with this; always date or marry someone who shares the same core values or beliefs like you. When you date or marry a person who shares the same values like yourself it is far more rewarding.